Marie Claire: Compatibility in Relationships: Is there a Secret to Getting Along?

Compatibility in relationships: is there a secret to getting along?

Should you get involved?  Are you compatible with him?  How do you know if you’re made for one another?  Here are some tricks for knowing if you’re compatible in love.

Compatibility in love: a question of values

When it comes to romantic relationships, compatibility isn’t obvious, and it doesn’t jump out at you.  It’s something fundamental, linked to the values of both members of a couple.  Essentially, for two people to be compatible, their individual values must be the same.  It’s the condition sine qua non of the construction of a couple and the only means to feel close to one another.  When we talk about fundamental values, we mean those that are applied on a daily basis, that we take to heart and that help us to form our sense of self.

Values can take on different forms: there are those that have to do with us as individuals, such as open-mindedness, tolerance or generosity; those linked to others, such as friendship or respect; those that have to do with our social lives, such as ambition or wealth; and finally, those that concern our lifestyle (rural, urban,…) and our beliefs (religion, ideology…) that can sometimes give rise to incompatibilities.

A couple cannot stay together if there are no values in common.  They finish by not agreeing on anything, and their situation becomes unlivable.

Compatibility in love: difference isn’t an obstacle

It’s important to differentiate between interests and values. Different kinds of people can hold the same values.  Two people can have completely different interests but still be tied together by the fundamental values they have in common, values which suffice to bring them together.  Though of course, hobbies do allow us in the beginning to share one or two experiences together.  But that isn’t enough.  A couple won’t last in the long-run if there are no shared values.  At the end of the day, when two people are together, it’s not by chance.  It’s because they want the same things.

Closeness as a means to compatibility 

One can become compatible through closeness.  In effect, the more experiences we share together, the closer we become to one another, and the more bonds we build.  The problem nowadays is that we tend to judge others too quickly.  We mustn’t try to find out at all costs as soon as we meet someone if we’re compatible or not.  In love, we must let ourselves be surprised instead of trying toknow everything definitively.  We can start by not being able to stand somebody and finish a few months later by being inseparable. The only thing to do is to interact.  It’s through this one means that we create something solid by which we can judge our compatibility. 

A thank you to Florence Escaravage, love coach and founder of the websites Love Intelligence and La Méthode de Florence.

Claire Schneider

For more information :   Compatibilité amoureuse - Marie Claire,compatibilite-amoureuse,20296,378026.asp