Take our quiz to see how your love life is doing according to the 5 steps of the Love Intelligence program:
I recognize one or more these ‘family myths’ from when I was growing up and that are still affecting my love life to this day:
a. All men cheat
b. You shouldn’t marry someone of a different socio-economic background, it’s just too complicated
c. A good match is someone who is well-liked by everyone – someone ‘popular’
d. You recognize the ‘perfect person for you’ right away – love at first sight exists
If you checked one or more of these myths, your past may be weighing you down. Family myths, along with family beliefs, can have a strong influence on how we conduct our loves lives. As children, we stew in the ideas, preconceived notions and comments of our family. Without even realizing it, we can take in these beliefs, letting them affect the choices we make – from who we choose to date to how fast we take the relationship. These influences from our past are not always constructive for the kind of personal life we wish to build.
I’ve made one or more of the following mistakes on a first date:
a. I tried to act like someone I wasn’t – I ‘played a role’
b. I wanted to rush into sleeping together
c. I got too personal too fast – telling lots of intimate details, etc
d. I was intimidated and nervous and I clammed up
If you checked one or more of the above mishaps, take a moment to reflect on how you behave around someone you’re attracted to. The first few interactions with a potential partner can have a big impact on how you two see each other and what happens in your budding relationship. It’s especially important not to try and be someone you aren’t, though it’s tempting to try to play a role you think will please the other person.
Check the most important qualities you would like to see in a partner:
- Religious inclination
- Lives in a big city
- Lives in the country
- A professional
If you had trouble answering this question, beware! Knowing the kinds of qualities you want to see in a significant other is a very important part of making a future relationship work. Having compatible values is key; you will feel closer and more intimate with someone if you both share the same principles.
I see myself in one of the following inhibitions:
- I don’t feel ‘smart’
- I don’t feel ‘physically attractive'
- I don’t think I make enough money
- I don’t think I’m interesting to talk to
If you checked one or more of the above inhibitions, you may want to think more closely about the kind of people you get involved with. Who you choose as a partner has as much to do with yourpersonal qualities as it does theirs. Often times we try and ‘compensate’ with a significant other what we think we lack. For example, if you don’t feel as intelligent as you would like to, you may be drawn to someone who is perceived by society to be ‘smart’ – a doctor, lawyer, professor, etc. Knowing more about why you choose who you date will help you make the best choices for you.
Do you think you change when you’re around someone you’re attracted to? That you try and ‘control’ how you appear to give what you think is your best impression?
Yes, all the time/Yes, but only sometimes and around certain people/Only once in a while/No, never.
If you said ‘yes, all the time’ or ‘Yes, but only sometimes and around certain people’, or ‘only once in a while’, be careful: You’re actually shooting yourself in the foot by over controlling yourself on a first date or around the person you’re attracted to! Getting to know the core of your personality, and letting that show through, is a hundred times more effective – and attractive – than anything else.
How ‘open’ are you?
In other words, when you’re in a social setting, do you make the effort to talk to new people, or do you wait for people to come to you? Do you make snap judgments about people based on your first impression? Do you make the effort to get to know friends of friends? Do you put barriers up at your place of work that may prevent you from connecting with new people?
a. I’m very open!
b. I’m relatively open, but I could improve
c. I’m not very open.
d. I’m totally closed off.
If you answered ‘I’m very open!’, you’re giving yourself a real shot at meeting someone you click with – keep it up! If you answered, ‘I’m relatively open, but I could improve ’, this is a good start. Nobody’s perfect, but remember that the more open and inviting you are, the more likely you are get the ball rolling on a good relationship. If you checked anything else, you’ve got to remember that meeting someone takes effort! Prince or Princess charming isn’t going to fall from the sky – you need to cultivate the right kind of disposition in order to put luck on your side.
Are you able to create intimacy in your relationships?
In other words, are you able to construct a bond of trust between you and your partner? Do you two feel close? Do your relationships stand the test of time? Or, on the contrary, have your past relationships been whirlwind adventures, intense in the beginning but that don’t last long?
If you think your relationships have been lacking in intimacy – even if they have been exciting, intense or sexually gratifying – then you’re missing a key ingredient in the recipe for real love. The ability to create intimacy between you and your partner is absolutely essential to a long term, solid relationship. It will help to turn initial attraction into lasting love. Without this key component, your relationships, however exciting or superficially satisfying, risk coming to an unsatisfying end.
True or False: Feeling ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ is mostly about how you look – high heels, suit and tie, lipstick, a muscular physique if you’re a man or a figure eight body if you’re a woman, etc.
If you answered ‘true’, you need to rethink your approach to love and seduction! This is 100% FALSE! Though your physical appearance may contribute to whether you feel or appear masculine or feminine, it is far from being the only factor. The way you act, how well you listen to people, what you choose to talk about, your attitude, how you choose to ‘reveal’ yourself…all of this is just as important, if not more so, than putting on a little black dress or some expensive cologne.
Ready to learn more about the Love Intelligence method? Read about how it works!